Randoms
So 2 more days until a leave for a mini holiday. Can't wait. When I had to get the shift covered every one told me that I needed to go. God yes.Climbed many hurdles (including lies to not nurt people) to go. Only another 12 hours of work then I'm gone!!!

Also check out LawNut's (http://lawnut.blogspot.com/) blog for my comments and her considerations of what I said. For anyone considering changing hair styles and bangs, Rachel Bilson's cut works really well especially if you want low maintenance.

Went to see Grandma (AKA Crazy Old Woman) yesterday. We had a long chat about my Pops and his idiosyncracies (many of which I have also inherited). She thinks he is in very poor health so at the end of our morning arguement I snapped at him to call his mother and tell her that he is not dead.

I think that I have decided what to do once I finish school. I think I will work for the Child and Families Ministry as a social worker advocating for children's rights. I don't even know if that is a position, but being an Aries I will do this anyways. One of my aunts has a degree in crim and does a similar job only she works for the unemployment offices. So I'm going to talk to her in a couple weeks (my mom is planning a dinner party with that family and a friend of hers because the 2 daughters are close in age). On another note that means I will have to be there to play with J and L (the 2 daughters). I will take them to the park but they can amuse themselves for awhile too. I'm 22 dammit, I want to have an adult convo with my family and friends as well.

Anyway, back to crim law as I have an exam and should really pay attention in class.

Home Sweet Home
I'm finally home after 2 weeks of back and forth. Let me clarify. My aunt and uncle went camping with friend's of theirs and their 15 year old didn't want to go. So my aunt made a deal with her, if she could convince me to stay with her she didn't have to go. Luckily for her I'm a soft touch most of the time. So last night I went straight home from work, not home then to her place or vice versa. It was fabulush dahling. Plus my bro and his gf got home from Europe last night (they were gone for 6 weeks) so we had a total homecoming thing. Just the 5 of us, steaks, beer, and a whole shit load of other food. It was great. Until my bro uploaded his photos and started a slideshow. 40 minutes later we were still looking at the Vatican and he still had 2 memory sticks to go. That was it for me. I swear I will shoot him if he shows me another Vatican photo. I went to the pub and had a rum and coke with J and D instead. Much better :)

Crazy Jealous B, Aversions
So near the end of my shift I see a girl in another dept that looks like CJB. For those who don't know who CJB is, she is a friend's daughter that went ape shit when said friend asked meto house sit for her among a whole host of things. Back to yesterday, I could only see the back of her head but was pretty positive that it was her. So I went about my business for about 5 minutes until curiousity got the better of me. So I grab a pile of stuff that belongs in ladies wear and saunter through the dept that CJB was in. Sure was her, with LC. So I smile in greating and keep walking, proud of my ability to "be the bigger person" in the face of CJB's icy glare. I don't gain anything from confronting her (aside from satisgying my own curosity). But if she were to be provoked (all I have to do to provoke her is be in the same proximity of her) into saying anything I would have to defend myself right. Thoughts on this are welcome.

Holidays
So I'm going camping in Seattle next weekend (meaning after this one). I figured since LC and R and I are going and LC does my schedule for work I didn't have to book the time off. Couple weeks ago she tells me that she needs someone to work Sat and if I can get someone to do it great. So I get the shift covered. Done, still going. On Monday she brings me next weeks schedule and I notice that she has booked me in Fri at noon. We are supposed to leave Fri at 9 am. What?!?!? All I want is one fucking weekend to go right. Goddammit one weekend. Why is that so hard? Let me clarify my staff situations, there is a dept head (me) and 2 other people. One girl works at a psych hospital on Fridays so she is unavailable. The other girl is working in mens wear that day. Hello why the hell does Honey get to steal my staff so that my weekend gets fucked around? Oh was I ever pissed off! So LC calls me later Mon to appologize and tell me she has found a solution. So I beg the woman in jewellery whom I can't stand to work the Fri for me. Thank God she agreed that I need some time away and said she would do it. Have I become that bitchy that people are noticing that I need so time off? Looking back on my behaviour (fighting with the jewellery dept head last week, refusing to help on cash, saying people are retards, yelling at the ASM that I was off 10 minutes ago and really don't want to take a bitchy customer's luggage to her car and then come back to close my till and clean my fitting rooms {all at 6:15 when we close at 6}) Ok I'm starting to see the bitchiness now. Oops, maybe I do need a holiday. By LC's mistake I only work 4 days next week then I have 4 possibly 5 days off, then the nest week I work 4 days because my float day (one day a year where we get a day off with pay), then I have a week of holidays durring a stat week so that means I will have 11 or 12 days of holidays in a row. Could I be any more excited for next Thurs (actually Wed because it will be my last day)? No I don 't think so. Thank God, it's about time for some freaking holidays!!!!!

Reservations
So it was my sister's birthday on Friday. So C and I planned a party for her tonight. She had organized a multi-city wide scavenger hunt for the afternoon so C and organized a dinner and casino night for the evening. By Friday we realized that our total count was 13 people. Having this info, I call the restaurant to make a reservation for Sunday night. At that point I was informed that they do not take reservations for Friday and Saturday nights. That's just fine, but I want a reservation for Sunday night. I was then ever so polietly informed that she meant weekends. GRRRR. So I sat in the very small, very crowed lobby for an hour and a half waiting till they could seat us. Thank God C and her new bf came down to meet me after 20 minutes. We decided to sit at the bar and start a night off with Porn Star shots compliments of new bf. Overall the rest of the night went well until just about the end when some of them decided that a minor water fight at the table was a good idea. It's pretty said when the 10 month old baby was better behaved than some of the 20-somethings.

Pet Peeves
First of, I really can't say how long this list will be as I have just finished the week from hell (re Wednesdays emotional purge). Basically this list will be comprised of the majority of things in general that just really piss me off (Ma I know you are thinking that I should just make a list of things that don't piss me off cuz damn near everything pisses me off). On that note, no I am not an angry person.

1. Slow people!!! This goes for walking, driving, ordering, paying, basically anything you can imagine. Including drinks or food at restaurants.
2. On that note, people who love to linger at restaurants. Get in and get the fuck out. Other people want to eat to. And while I am on this, most of the people I go out to eat with I see or talk to every day, why the fuck do we need to spend 4 hours with our asses planted in an uncomfortable chair?
3. Radio stations that play the same songs over and over again. They really know how to kill a good song. I know that people really want to hear it, but really every hour is a little excessive. Even for me.
4. People who drive (ok relation to #1) 90 in the left lane on the freeway. If someone is coming up behind you doing 100, 110 etc get the fuck out of the way. Plain and simple. The left lane is the passing lane for a reason.
5. Excessive PDA's. Little sister you know this is about you. I'm sorry but I really don't need to see you and your signifigant other play tonsel hockey. For that matter neither does anyone else. Get a room. Period.
6. People who bitch about people smoking outside. I realize that smoking is a horrendous habit, but we are outside. The smoke blows away, and if it is blowing in your face by mistake just casually point it out. Do not start excessively breathing through your mouth, fanning your face etc. This just makes you look like a fool and me want to blow smoke purposefully in your face.
7. Those who generally bitch about it are the same people who think a bylaw should be passed preventing smoking on patios of restaurants and bars. These are also the same people who do not think that our excessive about of heroin/crack addicts should be treated criminally. Cigarettes are legal, heroin is not. Why the hell can the addict shoot up in the middle of the goddamn road but I can't enjoy a cigarette on the patio with my rum and coke?
8. People who yell/scream and curse in public while on their cell phone or pay phone. Your house phone is for phone arguements fool. The whole damn store doesn't need to know how fucking broke and stressed you are. On that note, don't even fucking think of stealing from me because you have no money. That is not my problem, get the fuck out of my store than!

There you have my general pet peeves for this week

Decisions, Decisions
How do we know that the decisions we have made are the right ones? Is there a sign that points us in the right direction? Is it called instinct? Is there just something, indefinable, that compels us to make the choices that we make? If we question our decisions does that mean that we did not make the right decision? Does this mean regret? To what extent do we control our own destiny and to what extent is our destiny controlled by the stars? When do we throw up our hands and take a blind leap of faith?
I like stability. I like the security of knowing where my next paycheck is coming from and approximately how much it will be. I consider myself to be careful in making decisions if somewhat impulsive. I make decisions quickly and generally without a second thought. So when I question those decisions I really wonder if I did the right thing.
They say if something is easy then it is not the ‘right thing to do’. Shouldn’t one know immediately if it is right? The difference between right and wrong should be black and white. There should not be any question. And sometimes the hard road isn’t the right one. Many times it doesn’t feel like the right one. Does it mean hurting someone we care deeply for?
I would not deliberately hurt someone I care for, although I know that I have hurt many people that I love. It was not deliberate. I am consumed with guilt when I realize (and many times it takes quite awhile and a smack in the head for me to realize that I have hurt someone). Yet I am very loyal and generous to those that I care for. I can be careless with words and downright bitchy. I rationalize it (or balance) by being generous through material items and actions. I may not let a friend cry on my shoulder but if they need anything, anywhere I would move heaven and earth for them to get it. When someone has hurt someone that I love I will be the first to stand for them.
This seems as though I am trying to convince myself of my attributes. This was not my intention by writing this. My intention was simply to voice my thoughts. These are thoughts that I would very rarely verbally communicate, however by writing them I wonder if people would realize. What is to be realized I do not know. I suppose each person should interpret this in their own way. To me it is an explanation of my actions, and yet a deep reflection of self-doubt. I hope that those who read this will realize that I am human, and not without faults. Hell I probably I have more faults then most. I prefer to embrace my faults and hope that others do as well. You cannot love the surface of something. You must dig deeper. You may not like what you find, however what you find is generally truer, more loyal than anything you could possibly find on the surface.
When emotions run deep the soul yearns. What it years for is unknown. I suppose it really depends on the individual. What some may want (a want so profound that it becomes a necessity) others may scorn. Some need love; others do not but enjoy it while they have it. Some need acceptance. At the heart of it, love and acceptance seem synonymous. To be loved unconditionally comes with acceptance. One cannot have love if they do not have acceptance. Where does the acceptance lie? I believe to answer this one must look to themselves. If one cannot accept their own faults how can they expect another to?
There is a fine line in which all of our emotions are entwined. Each is connected to the other. When one is lucky they balance, each emotion carefully constructed to feed the other. This may sound cold and calculating but it is not. It is simply an observation. Emotions are instinct. They control our reactions to situations and circumstances. Our first reaction is emotion. This is why I use the word constructed. As we experience the curves that life throws at us we learn to control our reactions; to mask the emotion. For some it comes easily. Others will struggle to mask their emotions for most of their lives. I am one of those people. I hate that the expression on my face can generally tell whoever is around the exact thought that crosses my mind. Every mood shift (yes there are several), to every minute detail. It is all on my face, you just need to know where to look.
To close I will try to answer the questions that led to this emotional purging. I believed in the decisions that I had made. Had I made a slight waver one way or the other I would not be who I am today. Something that happened in the past has crept up and fed the insecurity in me. Compare to many others I have led a rather sheltered life. I listen to people and I realize that although if I am in a position to lead, I will and do, I dream a lot more than I do. There are many changes that I wish to make, however I am uncertain about how to go about them. I see now and I see where I want to be, it is the middle that is blurry. Then there are some things where I see the now and wonder what I am going to do with it in the future. Insert blind leap of faith here.
To those who are reading this, I hope this has helped to give you an insight to why I do the things that I do; and also to inspire you. Take from this what you will, use it to make clear decisions in whatever it is that you want from life. Life is short so make the most of the time that you have.

Summer Nights
So because my weekend plans fell through, I told LC that I would come to work on my day off and help her finish this big project we had to do. So as I was leaving I told her to give me a call if her and R make it to the pub tonight. R ended up pulling out his guitar and practicing. She calls me while EZ and I are out for dinner. Tells me to stop by. EZ decides to go home. So I pick up some beer and show up.
The three of us sat in the dark (save for one candle so R could see the music) drinking beer and singing whatever R played that we knew the words to. In that hour it was the perfect summer evening. Everyone was totally relaxed and just chilling to good tunes and good beer. R goes to bed, with the hug and don't leave, stay the night if you want. I am an Aires, I like knowing that people approve. Totally contradictory cuz if they don't I say that I really don't give a fuck what people think. But that is a whole other issue. For now the bottom line is that it was the perfect summer night. I'm not going to spoil it.

Holiday Long Weekend
So I had some wicked plans for this weekend. And yes they did involve a hell of a lot of alcohol. Firday I was to work from 6-11 (yes am) then go to class. Sleep for a couple hours then head down to a beach town a couple hours and a boarder crossing away. That didn't happen. By the time I finished everything and got home it was 4:30. 12 hours after being awake. Slept for three hours then called K. K says they are not leaving till 9:30 or 10. So I figured there was not point. I still had to come back Sat to work Sun and for Pop's birthday dinner. That's alright. Sunday after work I'm going camping. Still happy.
Sunday on my break I check my vm. 2 messages, both from EZ. Number 1, bring pop, air mattress and alcohol. Number 2, don't come, we got kicked out of the campsite. What the fuck. You are mature enough (or should be) to know how to party without getting kicked out. So Sunday I spent most of the night at home brooding about how much my weekend sucked. Until my dad suckered me into coming up for dinner (like 3 hours later than usual) by scrapping his chicken and spaghetti plans for steak and potatoes. Ok so the man knows how to get to me. Note to anyone reading this, if you want anything from me your best chance is to make me a big juicy steak with a piping hot baked potatoe. Oh and make sure there is sour cream and bacon bits. Yum!!!